It's fair to say I have absolutely no professional qualifications on this topic. I have however been parented and for the last 14 years and hopefully for many to come, will be a parent.
It's often quoted that the birth of your first child is the most memorable and proudest day of your life. For me it was, and remains firmly in the top 5. Nothing prepares you for that mystical event, becoming a parent, being responsible for a living, breathing dot. Aside from the obvious, the biggest change in my life was my relationship with my parents. We finally seemed to have a common interest, a shared goal and ambition; the welfare of your offspring. All of a sudden I had this new found respect. They went through this.... 4 times. It started me thinking, how was I parented? Am I going to do it the same way? What will I do differently?
In my eyes parents fall into two distinct categories; the cool and the uncool. The 'cool' parents seemingly let their kids do anything, the 'uncool' parents don't. I fell firmly into the latter category. I understand why, protection of your own flesh and blood is a natural way to behave. No parent would want their children to come to any harm. None of my 'cool' friends did come to any harm. They learnt from their mistakes and had very different relationships with their folks. I however spent many nights in my bedroom wishing I was somewhere else. Evidently this results in rebellion, lies, deceit and ultimately awful decision making.
I made the worst decision of my life at the tender age of 13. Recently promoted to the back seat of the 469 school bus home, I was offered my first taste of tobacco. Not wanting to lose my prestigious seat, and with eyes of expectation burning into my skull, I tentatively accepted. What the hell! A golden opportunity to make a fool of myself, please don't let me puke! I took the smallest of drags, coughed and spluttered, looked around at all the faces of peer pressure and wheezed, "It's alright that, mind if I have another drag?" The reality was that it was awful, like sticking my head in a coal fire and sucking. But that was it. 27 years later I still do it. I've stopped and started, but always end up back with my nicotine fuelled companion.
With that experience firmly planted in my memory, the decision was made. I'm gonna be a 'cool' parent. I like to think I probably am. I have conversations with my kids I'd never have dreamt of having with my folks. They tell me stuff that I'd have kept quiet. I want our relationship to be an open forum. I want to feel that when they're in trouble they can let me in and I can help them out.
During the summer, whilst sitting in the garden making the most of a rare glimpse of sun, I was sipping a cold beer and smoking a cigarette. My eldest child, 13, asked the killer question, "Can I try your cigarette Dad?" The moment of truth. I thought back to the 469, the peer pressure that influenced my decision and the life long regret. "Course you can mate". Thirty seconds later he was running around the garden coughing, spluttering and puking. "Flippin 'eck Dad, why do you do that? It's minging!" "I know it is, that's why I let you try it. So when your 'cool' mates offer you one, you can tell them 'I smoke Marlboro's with my Dad and they're minging, so I won't bother thanks'".
My final say on the matter. I was recently having a chat with one of my kids who was evidently unhappy. After a little cajoling they imparted the whole story. A few phone calls, one face to face conversation later and problem fixed. That readers, is the proudest moment of my life.
